...YoU cAN'T LOsE SOmETHING YOu NEvER HAd...

Almost Christmas and No SNOW DAY!!!

Thu, 23 Dec 2004 18:31:51 GMT

so, i'm sitting here in art photo, totally bored outta my f*cking mind!!! that's ok, i don't have to go to school for another week (THANK GOD!) after today. BUT, there is a big resounding BUT - i have like a cenutry-sized load of homework do over break, god i hate school, can't wait until i graduate!!! (Only like half a year - whoopee...). Anyways, there's like no one in art photo so its basically like a study hall with internet acess, cuz KEANE'S NOT HERE!!! w/e

supposed to go to Kris's tonight to chill alittle bit before x-mas. and i still have to do a little shopping, which i was gonna do after school... and no i might have to work, AHHHH!!! ash left me a voice mail during 2nd block telling me to call her as soon as i got it. well, didn't call her yet but i know she's gonna ask me to work for her tonight because last night she said she didn't feel good and didn't want to work and asked me to cover the shit, but i couldn't, so i can just about fathom that she's sick today and wants me to work. i was really looking forward to my night off, but i guess i can work. hopefully it will be the 4-8 shift and then i can get out a lil early. besides, i could use the extra money....yea, i REALLY NEED the extra money. especially since I'm going to see WICKED in toronto in march and i have to pay for my ticket ($86)...but i can't wait, its gonna be awesome.

WELL, as u can see, i was hopeing for a snow day today, but as you can also see we didn't get one, dammit! why did i go to school again? oh yea, just so i could have the sheer pleasure of finding out that i got an 18 on my calc test. haha, its not that bad, its an 18 out of 45, and put together with my take home test, i just passed with a 67. phew! at least i wasn't AJ and got a 5! lol. i love my class. (NOT!) anyways... i think i'm gonna go. have a nice night!

Happy Winter! (can't wait for a snow day!)

Wed, 22 Dec 2004 03:05:06 GMT

Hmmm...life is still stressing, so nothing much has really changed. Just been trying to keep my head above the water. Christmas in 4 DAYS! You know what that means, NO SCHOOL! its pretty sad that i've been degraded into thinking no school is something more important to look forward to than presents. I really hate MR. G with the deepest passion, or as mike would say "abyss of disdain." ANyways, i really don't feel like yelling and screaming about how i want to gouge Mr. G's eyes out b/c we'd be here for a while, and i don't want to think about it anymore b/c it only makes me worse.

SO - i got accepted to Gannon yesterday! yay...i don't know, i liked that school and it would be fun cuz then i would probably end up at Dusqune in Pittsburg and thats a real cool city, but i kinda want to stay home and be around friends and family. w/e...i dont know if i got into UB or ACP yet so i'll have to make a decision once i find out.

Another thing, i stopped talking to jay. i'm just giving up, and he's completly gone into 'the jerk' mode which i was hopeing he wasn't going to be. he used to be one of the nicest guys and i thought that he wasn't like the rest, but i guess i was wrong b/c he's taking on a stiking resemblence of eric ruhlman. (no offense! there's just an reccuring pattern in the boys i meet...)

Anyways, thank god tomorrow is day 2...NO CALC, BIO, or ENGLISH, YEA!! Have a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS in case i dont update sooner!!!

its beginning to look a lot like christmas....

Sat, 04 Dec 2004 23:05:27 GMT

hmm...my life has been pretty stressful and everything....i hate calculus and mr. g more than anything! BUT - i finally got my college apps done (YAY!!!) so that relieves my mind a little.

yesterday was fun. after work, me, laur, jam, and kris went to go see Closer (sry, java, we'll go again and see it!). it was pretty good (JUDE LAW IS SO HOTT!!!), but the strip club scene was a little unnerving. not to mention that it was like 10 minutes long! eww...sry, i really did not want to see natalie portman's ass, etc....but, i guess it was crucial to the plot of the movie, so it was acceptable. and i absolutley hate the word "cum" and they used it like every other sentence. oh well. i loved the scene when julia roberts was telling "larry" about her affair with jude law. it was awesome! but poor jude ended up alone....its okay jude, ill be yours. if he wasn't like 30, and didn't have a girlfriend and kids, i would so marry him...too bad thats not gonna happen.

then we went to mighty (on transit by regal) and when we pulled in the parking lot, i pulled in the back and as soon as i parked the car, i looked out my window and there was a guy standing behind the building by the dumpster pissing! omg, it was so weird. no one else saw it. i was like, "there's a guy peeing over there!!" but he ran away before anyone else saw him. ewww....let's just say we didn't stick around. we all lost our appetites. (haha, i love my friends)

and someone was prank calling my house yesterday, it was pretty funny cuz my brother answered it first and he was like "i don't know whats going on..." lol. i can narrow it down to a couple of people. since the person had a "british accent" it could be will's cousin, cuz he does that alot, but i don't know why will's cousin would be calling me. or it could be heather, cuz she loves pranking ppl, but i'm not sure y she would call my home phone. the only other person i could think of would be eric and/or brad b/c they love pranking ppl too, but i don't know how they would have my home number either. w/e tho, it was funny. all i can say is "dick morrison doesn't NOT fucking live here." i would have went along with it, but i really didn't feel like dealing with it, especially since i was making chocolate chip cookies! (YUMM!) what was really weird tho was that at the end of the movie, kris got a call from ppl pranking her too, and we kinda deduced that it was eric cuz there were guys laughing in the background. but w/e....

wow, this is getting long, but jay finally talked to me again. i don't remember if i said anything about him telling me he wanted to commit suicide b/c his girlfriend and him broke up. he wrote me this email, so i emailed him back as soon as i got it b/c he really worried me...then a week later he calls me, as i was worried sick about him cuz i didnt hear from him, and he was like "i got your email, but i didnt feel like replying" AHHH!!! whatever, i just want to be able to help him get his life on track and be a good friend cuz it seems like he has no one else. Drunken Whore can barely help herself, let alone help him. but they're still kinda together...i dont know whats better, them being "together" or him being alone, cuz either way he's miserable. i just dont want him to do anything stupid. i feel like im responsbile b/c im the only person he like talks to about this shit....i dont even know.

SO --
i can't wait until christmas now! even tho i still kinda don't like christmas, it means no school and time where i can relax. so what if im alone...i can deal with that. i don't have time for a boy anyways, we all know what happened last year with ryan, that was just a mess.

Tue, 23 Nov 2004 02:23:13 GMT

this weekend was ok. the matchbook/midtown/hidden in plain view concert wasn't all that great, but it was still a really random and fun night. punching eric in the face, calling the police for the little boy at mcdonald's, and then eric breaking my windsheild wipers were pretty crazy. just my kind of life. (haha, today i found out that brad got stopped by the cops as he was riding his bike home from julie's at like 2am, sorry brad that we got u grounded....lol, how ironic!?) i saw jay at the concert, i haven't talked to him in like 2 months, so i want to get in touch with him again, cuz he was there with Drunken Whore and i didnt talk to him. anyways, i had a headache the whole concert and then i think they laced my slushie with something (HAHA, ryan!). overall, the night was a pretty fun time...but not the part where the next day my dad was screaming at me about the broken windsheild wipers. its okay eric, i dont hate you. it really wasn't any of our faults. my dad just loves to go overboard about everything.

think im developing a crush on someone, but i dont want it to happen (geez, how many times have u heard me say that? god, NEVER! except for now that is...)

Everything's a bust

Sat, 13 Nov 2004 17:52:31 GMT

SO....i haven't updated my journal in about a year...not really, i was overexagerating, but its been a long time since i did anyways...

whats new in my life? one word: NOTHING...still the same depressed, lonely teen. i think i need to get out more. actually, i think im more sad today than usual. I go into work today to get my check, because im a dumbass and forgot to get it yesterday, and the manager (patti, she's sweet) tells me that marcy's boyfriend committed suicide last night and the police and dectives came in and were questioning her and everything. i mean, how the FUCK would you deal with that??? especially if he was your boyfriend? i dont know. geez, if i had a boyfriend, at least i would break up with him before killing myself, thats just not fair to him....so now that that was EXTREMELY morbid....

dont have to work this weekend, and i feel really bored. sometimes i wish that i had some friends...oh well. im good at sucking at life, so i might as well keep it up.

You represent... loneliness.
Always alone and always sad about it... unlike
angst, you don't have to look for a reason to
be miserable. You want to be in the company of
people but aren't sure how to act when you're
with them. Sometimes you have to make an
effort. You can't always wait for others to
come to you.

What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla

"One day you were walking down the street when you giggled. And so you died laughing. (no pun in "dying"). But then, you went to heaven. And it turned out to be a big deal. SO now you like singing lots."

Exhale, another wasted breathe, again it goes UNNOTICED...

MY LAST ENTRY>>>

Sun, 22 Aug 2004 18:52:06 GMT

so, i've decided to put an end to my live journal career, for now at least. maybe i'll start it back up later, but i doubt it. it was fun while it lasted, but...its kinda dumb. no one reads it anyway, and not like i really want people reading all about my life. i've taken up writing in a real journal, and that's more satisfactory, because i can say things in there that i'm afraid to say in this...so...

i'm also stopping because i'm sick of people being retarded, and calling me dumb. i know i'm dumb already, i'm ridiculous people, its a fact of life. i don't care if you call me dumb cuz i know it, but if you're gonna call me dumb, at least tell me why you think so. more over, i can't understand why the fuck you're reading my journal if you think i'm so stupid?!? as a teenager, i'm supposed to be selfish and stupid and make mistakes, but i really don't appreciate people who put my faults under a microscope without reason...i don't do that to you, do i? so to you, fuck you all...you make me who i am...

so long

Warped was warped

Thu, 19 Aug 2004 02:57:38 GMT

Well...do i feel much cleaner now, after i took a shower. Warped was kinda disappointing. I hate it at darien, cuz theres just so many people and especially because they way they laid it out this year, it was horrible. I mean, the bands were good and everything, but it sucked cuz they had the stages on those rocks and there was just dust and grime EVERYWHERE. i had a coating of dust in my hair, and it feels really good to be able to run my hands through it again. so, i didn't really have a good time, and i didn't meet that SOMEONE...oh well.

it was a day for really weird things, tho. first of all, this one kid just came up to me and started talking to me. he was from rome, ny and was just really weird, and not too attractive. then he left me alone, which was cool. another guy that was drunk came up to me and asked me if my mom knew i was at warped tour. that was just strange. and during sugarcult this guy behind us started talking to me and laur and was life caressing my back, which was disturbing. and we saw one of the gow boys there!! haha, it was amazing. it was the actually cool one that was hot, and liked me but i had a bf at the time when we met : ( he remembered who we were and everything which was cool. about 2 months ago he started talking to me online again when his gf broke up w/ him and was all like "we should hang out" and then he just stopped talking to me again cuz they got back together, what a loser!

and i found out today that a guy that i used to like is almost for surely gay...that's just wonderful. not only did i date him, but there was almost a chance of us going to prom together, ew. and now i find out that he kissed 3 other guys....ugh! that's just too much right there...

ah, what else...oh yea. i saw jay today too. actually me and laura were hoping to aviod him cuz we knew that if he saw us he'd follow us around the rest of the day...talking on and on about bands and music. omg! but we did see him and to our luck, he brought his gf with him. WOW. that's all i have to say. she made me look like miss america, no offense to her. in her defense i must say that she probably was just having a bad everything day. it was really awkward when we saw eachother, cuz he was in the pit with heather and me and laura weren't and after heather came up to us and said she saw him and then next thing you know, he's standing right there. we really didn't say anything except an inaudible 'hi' and from the moment his girlfriend looked at me, i think she just knew who i was without having to be introduced. it was one of those things and it was extremely awkward between the three of us. not to sound conceited or anything, but now i know why he's obsessed with us up here, cuz everyone down there are horrible. i must say, tho, that i'm happy i'm over him. i feel a lot better about everything now too, after i saw her and such.

so, maybe today was unproductive in the guy department, but isn't everyday? whatever tho, i guess i wasn't really EXPECTING to meet someone worth dating, although it is kinda sad that out of all the guys there, i couldn't find one that had sparks of attraction. oh well. i must say that the best part of the day for me was the rides to the tour and back home, just cuz me and laur are retards ("hey, cows!" *honks horn*) and we had a fun time just talking and being nostalgic about things that happened in the past. that was the best part of today (and going to mighty). well, this is a real long entry and i think i'm going to go watch a movie.

Wed, 18 Aug 2004 01:05:20 GMT

some people just make me want to kill myself...but i'm done caring about that. on to bigger and better things, warped is tomorrow! finally, although im not that excited about it, donno why. got all my bio homework done, thank god. well. thats that. i guess i'll just pick my nose some more and comtemplate suicide. g-night folks

Fun Wow

Mon, 16 Aug 2004 03:21:24 GMT

interesting day...i had to work from noon 'til six, which is always a joy. then i got laura and we were on our way to see minor setback when zahm calls us and tells us its been moved to this guys house in the middle of buffalo somewhere. so, we pretty much got lost downtown and zahm was trying to find a gas station which was fun in the area where we were...i don't even know where we went, but the ride there was fun just cuz me and laur are complete assholes...

"hey, that looks like a pretty nice place there..."
"laur, its a cemetary..."
~~~~
*Italian/Translvanian Accent* "ECKERD!"

god, i don't know, we're nuts...but it was still hilarious. i guess heather and everyone in zahm's car saw some hobo sleeping on the porch of some church, how sad...but still kinda funny.

so we get to this guys house and its kinda a scary neighborhood, but i guess in a better part of town than i kinda imagined it, like not in the extreme ghetto or anything. minor setback only played 2 songs, but they sounded great! and a plus was that we didn't have to pay admission, which is good cause i didn't have the money anyway. well, zahm was really pissed at some shit, so me and laur went with him to spot cuz no one else wanted to go.....i don't care, it was my idea to go there anyways, so it was fun. i feel bad for matt sometimes just cuz some people treat him like such shit, haha, wait, it happens to me too. but anyways, it was fun just hanging out with him, me and laur. so then we went home to my house and we raced down union road, i thought laura was gonna have a heart attack! lol. and we stood talking in my driveway for a while, and i think zahm was just a little weirded out by stuff me and laura were telling him...lol, about 14-year-olds and baseball pants. haha, excellent times. i love matt zahm, but he's always so down on himself and everything, there's just nothing to cheer him up about. i don't even know what to say cuz he thinks about EVERYTHING so negatively. oh well. overall, it was a good night and it saved me $7. well, i still have 3 chapters of bio to finish before wednesday so i have to get a-crack-a-lackin...

I'M A NERD!!

Sat, 14 Aug 2004 03:32:11 GMT

yea, so another fun-filled day of bio. me and julie were talking today and i figured out that i am really an all around nerd. i was up at 8:30 this morning and working on my bio, that is not a normal thing to do. even worse is the fact that i stopped doing bio homework at 5 (halfway done!! yay) and then julie called me around six and we ended up going downtown to Spot to, guess what, work on calculus homework! who else friggen goes out on a friday night to do homework!? especially during the summer? i do, of course. it was fun actually, cause we were also hoping to meet some new people, as in hot guys, so we had an alterior motive than just doing homework. besides it was better doing homework there than at home...

actually, me and julie were discussing the best guys for us and i came up with this:(1) either he's a baseball player (give me a guy in a baseball uniform anyday = tight pants all the way!) or (2) he's got dark, longer, shaggy hair, laur's famous 'looks-like-he-smells-bad-but-really-smells-amazing' theory, and wears tighter-but-loose jeans (if that makes sense, i guess you could just say 'fitted') and wears button down striped or plaid shirts over t-shirts, and maybe throw in a hat of some sort, possibly a baseball hat. a plus would be that he plays guitar, and he has to like my kind of music, no pretend thug-rap kinda guy, nuh uh, no way. so there ya go, know abody that fits that description, give them my number...i might need to put out a 'WANT AD', lol. com' on, i'm not THAT desperate...then again...

Yesterday's quote of the day... : "I may never be satisfied by another man, my life is now complete...the sexiest man alive..."

p.s. happy friday the 13th!!

Well kiddos...

Thu, 12 Aug 2004 04:12:25 GMT

What a very fun day...haha. I did a whole chapter of my bio homework, whoopee. That only took me the WHOLE FUCKING DAY!! and i still got 4 more to go...yay... But afterwards was really fun. i went to joanns and bought some stuff to make a really fun jacket that i can't wait to wear, and then i went to laura's and we went to matt lonergan's (i dont know how to spell his last name). we just hung out there and talked for a while about stupid stuff like will bevington and ryan rotzer, and a little jay in there - "...the teeth were like those fish that live deep in the ocean that go every-other-which-way and then *make slashing noise* there's the jagged cutout from their teeth..." - and about grandparents walking out of the garage in nothing but their diaper and their cane holding a spoon...it was a very interesting conversation. then we went to kone king just because we haven't had icecream like every other day this week. then zahm, dan, and amanda came over and we played some poker with mary kate and kyle (ok, for some reason i can't remember his name, so he's going to be kyle). it was fun, but i'm horrible at poker, so me and laura kinda just played together...we were so bad, lol! dan kicked everyone's asses. it was a great time "where's the chips?" ...the best part tho was when we went outside to wait for zahm and he drove right past us, looking the other way, it was superb! well, i must go and get ready for a fun filled day of bio...and possibly a trip to akron again...we need to salvage matt's shovel and laura's cd, lol...so long for now kids...

"what do you want...a poem?"

Shenanigans

Wed, 11 Aug 2004 02:11:29 GMT

i went to the mall today with laura and that was such a mistake!!! i saw so many things that i wanted and now i'm just itching to go shopping, which is not a good thing because when i go shopping i just spend WAYYYY to much money!! i'm horrible! but i can't help it, i just really want to go shopping. there's these amazing plaid pants at delia's and i want them SOOO bad, so i think me and laura are going shopping on thursday (if i spend $50 at delia's then i'll get a $25 gift certificate to use in sept!)...yea...i'm a shopaholic.

i don't know what it is today, but me and laura were just talking about guys and how annoying it is to keep going on and on about not having one, but i just really got the urge to right now. it's just, i don't know! i was at work today and i just really felt like going out and just having fun. when i was driving home there were these three guys walking on indian church road and i so wanted to pull over my car and talk to them! WHAT A DORK!! i obviously didn't, but i kinda wish i did. i need to live some more. i just got that feeling right now where i really want to be with someone and get that "i just met someone new and they're really awesome" tingly feeling...that may not make too much sense, but i know you know what that is! lol. one of jay's friends, amy, IMed me a little while ago and we were talking about jay and how i decided that we shouldn't get back together, and how its so hard to meet guys that aren't jerks, and now i just REALLY wanna meet someone. wow, i sound like such an idiot. but sometimes you just need to get it out so no body better be leaving me a comment telling me that "i feel pretty sorry for myself" cuz i'm not. too bad i have a crush on a 14-year-old, lol, LAURA!!! aha! "hey kid, nice play...EAT A FART!!!" baseball games rock!! "holy package!" yep, i definitley need to get out more.

i got this e-mail today and its friggen hilarious:

State Mottos

Alabama: Hell Yes, We Have Electricity

Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!

Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat

Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything

California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda

Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother

Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It-Yet

Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water

Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids

Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism

Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)

Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes...Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good

Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"

Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Iowa: We Do A mazing Things With Corn

Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States

Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names

Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign

Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster

Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It

Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)

Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians

Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes... And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes

Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State

Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work

Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, And Very Little Else

Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest

Nevada: Hookers and Poker!

New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone

New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!

New Mexico: Lizards Make E xcellent pets

New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney....

North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable

North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!

Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan

Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing

Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner

Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal

Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island

South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender

South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota

Tennessee: The Educashun State

Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les

Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

Vermont: Yep

Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?

Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds And Slackers!

Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?

West Virginia: One Big Happy Family... Really!

Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese

Wyoming: Where Men Are Men... and the sheep are scared

yep...i thought that was funny...by the way, i definitly was supposed to be doing bio homework while i was doing this...i'm not really sure how i'm going to get in done in 8 days...i'm screwed

p.s. i love how some of my "friends" keep saying that they want to hang out but don't even bother to give me a call, i'm sick of always making the plans. whatever happened??? all the good and funny times we had last summer, i just want them back. why am i not good enough now?

wow, haven't updated in a looong time!

Tue, 10 Aug 2004 01:49:43 GMT

so, yea...had some troubles at home considering our stupid phone line again so i haven't been able to go online in about a week! so heres a quick recap of my past week...

i guess the only major thing that's happened is i got my wisdom teeth out!! yea, it def wasn't a bad as i thought it would. i hardly had any pain, only a little stiff jaw, and i wasn't too swollen cuz i had a lot of ice on my face... and jay came! i got to see him on thursday and friday. it was fun and it was good to see him again. he bought me a rose... *sighs*... he was always a good boy...but....we can't get back together. its only the right thing to do and i'm ready of fully move on and find someone new! man, i can't wait! i would like a boy to like, its just a lotta fun. as mike would say "laura's funny and tan, but she's got no man." well, i'm tired from working today so i'm going to go. i don't really have anything else to say anyways...yep, my life's that boring. lol.

p.s. i did go to a bon fire at kristina's on tuesday and that was a lotta fun and i got to see some people who i haven't hung out with in a while so it was good. : )

same old, same old

Sat, 31 Jul 2004 19:23:15 GMT

well, still nothing new has happened in my life worth telling. except the rain is still making me depressed, i'm still waiting for summer to actually happen....

we ALMOST made it to the beach on thursday, but by the time we decided we were gonna go, we wouldn't have had enough time to get back in time for laura to go to work...so...we're getting closer. me and julie are supposed to go to spot coffee and then shakespeare in the park tonight so let's hope the weather doesn't ruin that too...'taming of the shrew' for life!! (duh, ten things i hate about you!) well, i'm going to go and try to finish a paper for my english homework...slowly but surely i'm getting it done....UUHHHHH!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATT ZAHM!!!!

blah blah blah...

Tue, 27 Jul 2004 17:06:22 GMT

i haven't updated my journal recently cause nothing really new has happened in my life. and my laptop needs to be reloaded so it sucks, i haven't been online alot cuz of that and my brother is always on the other computer. so, yea...i wish this weather would stop being shitty so i can do something and i'm not baracaded in my house anymore. i'm starting to get cabin fever *sings "cabin fever, yea..." from muppet treasure island* (great movie!)...ha, i'm going nuts!

ok, well congrats to laura who got her license today! she's picking me up and then going to media play to get the new TBS cd. yay!!! also, happy belated b-day to heather, i didn't get a chance to update that day, so, HAPPY BIRTHDAY HEATHER!!!

hopefully by the end of the week we'll go to darien and i'm planning on going to the beach thursday by myself if i must! haha, i'm hopeless.

EDIT: I forgot the most important part of my weekend! I got my WARPED TOUR ticket on saturday!!! yay! i can't wait. too bad its like at the end of summer... : ( i'm trying hard not to think about it.

I was over it before, but you brought me back to where I began...

Sat, 24 Jul 2004 00:06:29 GMT

today is dooms day; dooms day as in the black day. one year ago today i started going out with jay. *tear* all the good times. well, people...i've decided to finally give him up. i've realized that i've been really selfish in thinking that i deserve a second chance with him. he called me today, and after talking to him, i started thinking that its best the way it is. it was always a belief of mine that it wasn't a good idea to go back out with your exs, so i'm going to suck it up and take my advise and put him behind me. i still want to remain friends with him tho. he mentioned coming here next week to go to darien, and i'd love to see him again. i think that it would be a good idea, in a way to test myself. also talking to him, it made me realize that there is an equal amount of the ridiculous in him and i remembered all the things that drove me crazy about him and why we broke up in the first place. the best thing for me to do right now is just to not think about him and have fun. when i can do that and be comfortable with myself, i'll be able to meet someone new and maybe start something up. but until i get all this stuff off my mind and stop concentrating on meeting someone, it will never happen. so from this moment on, my thoughts are clear----

i watched this old movie today on TCM and it wasn't bad, although the ending was kind of disappointing. the guy and girl ended up together but the way they ended the actual movie was terrible!! i guess i'm just spoiled in how they end the movies now-a-days.

tomorrow i'm going out to batavia. i'm hopeing that it will be sunny cuz sometimes i just love sitting in the sun. it makes me feel like i don't have to care anymore. summer's going kinda fast! i really really really really REALLY want to go the the BEACH!!please, someone go with me...i'm dying. i haven't been to the beach in like 3 years and i need to go this summer before i'm forced to go back to hell. alright, we'll i gg. i'm going out for chinese w/ laur, zahm, and don (i think) so i must get going.

hey...

Thu, 22 Jul 2004 22:42:51 GMT

hello. well, i'm tired today and that's about it. i finally got my string cheese so i'm happy!

i went with Laura to get her senior pics done at school today and it was kinda cool. she did a picture in a cap and gown tho and it was kinda scary...i can't belive that we're at that year already!!! i don't wanna grow up yet!! at the same time i do tho...cuz i want so much to happen.

i don't know what i'm doing so i think i'm jst going to go and be a little more dull.

more rip-roaring good times...

Thu, 22 Jul 2004 01:29:37 GMT

today i went to darien. we were planning on the beach, but it didn't work out so darien was just as fun. it was SOO hot tho! EEK! i went with laura, jamie, and emily, and it was a blast. although the last time we were in line for the superman it sucked cuz it was really hot, and then the ride stopped cuz there was a "technical difficulty." so we just left, which was sad.

'I'll Kill You With My K9' lol... *screams* "FLUFFY BUNNIES!!" haha, excellent times...

then we stalked kyle rademacher a little...haha. i can't believe it!! i actually say him driving, talk about coicidence.

anywho, i can't go to darien lake without thinking of everything that happened last summer. man, i think laura was right, we are too old to meet boys there, haha. still, i need to find myself one, or find a way to make me stop thinking of a certain boy...grrr...

something to do in my life...finally!!

Tue, 20 Jul 2004 03:44:01 GMT

so, today i did really absolutley nothing. i got up and then watched LOTR 1 and 2, which wasted pretty much most of my day. then laura called me and me, her, and emily went dowtown for a while. we went to the marina and got icecream (and skipped to "so happy together" LOL!!). then we went to elmwood and went to that record store next to Spot (forgot the name) which was fun, we didn't get anything at Spot cuz we didn't feel like drinking anything coffeeish and i think we all had like one dollar in our pockets. then we drove back home but still didn't want to go home so we went to Target until it closed and then went to Tops, but i had to pee really bad so then we went home...haha, fun times.

i miss talking to jay, but what am i supposed to do?...everything that has to deal with him is a double-edged sword. i can't talk to him because he really shouldn't be talking to me with his girlfriend and all (god, i'm a slutbag, lol), although i really want to talk to him. i think the best thing for me to do right now is to get my mind off him...

....so, me, ash and laura and finally trying to plan the beach trip for wednesday...let's hope it doesn't rain!!!!

my life is going nowhere

Thu, 15 Jul 2004 17:27:26 GMT

i'm so bored right now! ahhh...i have nothing to do with my life anymore. its killing me. i need to get out of this house!!! the weather is so shitty that its not helping at all. we were kinda planing on going to the beach or darien today, but that's out cuz its so cold out!! yuck, where's summer??? i guess we're just gonna have to go next week. i'm going to Lewiston tomorrow and saturday for a little so i'm just hopeing that the weather is better then. its making me so depressed!! well, that's my life for ya. i'm going to go and do nothing.

Happy Birthday Leah! and Laura yesterday!!

my boring life

Tue, 13 Jul 2004 02:50:46 GMT

nothing interesting has really happened recently. i went to toronto yesterday which was pretty cool. i went to the blue jay's game and then afterward went up the CN Tower, the highest north american structure (i was up 147 stories!!!). it was sweet! my brother was too chicken to go up, lol. then we went out to eat which was a nightmare cause we had 14 people and we ordered so much friggen food!!! so, i must say that hanging with my extremely polish family isn't so bad after all.

on another note, things are getting interesting dealing with jay...i feel bad because he's going out with a girl that really likes him and i know that he likes her a lot as well. i'm sick of making enemies and that's what it seems like i've been doing all year. i think maybe its best if i just give him up and let him be happy with her. its only fair and i dont want to be selfish anymore. he deserves her. i dont want to be in his way anymore, he deserves the best.

p.s. think ash, laura, and others (?) are going to the beach thursday! yay

Bury the past...

Thu, 08 Jul 2004 14:44:20 GMT

after recent events that happened last night, i've decided to officially let the past rest. someone, who will remain annoymous, IMed me last night...and i guess you could say reconciled everything that has happened since february 'til now. i've been trying to put it away since march, well, i did put it away in march and i moved on, until it was brought back up and it's just been getting worse since then. i realize that we've both acted very immaturely, and that immaturity doesn't get you anywhere. but i sincerely want to appolgize to ryan, i've never meant any harm between us and i didn't mean for you to take it as you did. but i'm done with it forever. i'm sorry that we couldn't have remained friends like we originally wanted to, but it was destined to be that way, and i think it's for the better. i just don't want to be known as a 'heartless bitch' anymore, because that's the last thing that i try to be. i think that its best that we never talk or see eachother again, so i am done with the matter.

thank you so much zahm for encouraging me to be strong and heather who's always been there for me. i'm sorry, heather, that we may disagree on some stuff but i hope that we will strengthen our friendship because you mean a lot to me and sometimes i feel that we're losing that friendship. i have a lot of good times and laughs with you, don't ditch me now...please...

as for another certain person, i miss him a lot...

R.I.P. Micah Heckman - July 7, 2004
I'm sorry you're time had to be so soon...we'll all miss you
"I hope that all is well in heaven 'cause its all shot to hell down here..."

i'm back!

Tue, 06 Jul 2004 22:41:33 GMT

so...it wasn't as bad as i expected. it was super hot and humid and it sucked cuz i drove through three states to get to my brother's fucking baseball games (pennsylvania, west virginia, ohio, and back to west virginia) which sucked cuz it took like an hour each time we went to one. oh well. i got kinda tan which is cool. but i had a pretty good time. watching my parents get buzzed was funny enough. and i had a good time when we went out to eat with everyone and i got to go to a pittsburgh pirates major league game, which was cool. there's this one new kid on eric's team and its kinda scary cuz he looks a lot like jay! its SO weird, lol. his parents are really funny, especially his mom! we hung out with them a lot. lol, too bad he's like 3 years younger than i am, hahahaha!!! just kidding. and my new phone is screwed up, so the new number MIGHT be 348-6464, but we'll see. i'll let ya know for sure.

On the Road Again...

Thu, 01 Jul 2004 02:06:55 GMT

Tomorrow i leave on a mini-vaca to hickville, west virginia, if you can even call it a vacation. but, still the same, i guess its good to get away. and i got my new phone today (yay!) so my number is 348-6229. call me, cuz i'll be bored! i'll write about my amazing times when i get back...bye!!

i'm so BORED!!!

Wed, 30 Jun 2004 02:13:00 GMT

man, i have asolutley nothing to do!! i'm so bored right now. i had to work tonight from 4-8 and it was so dead there...good news is that my hours are slowly increasing, i'm working 11 hours next week when i come back, which doesn't sound like much, but its better than what i'm working now! also, i'm supposed to get my phone tomorrow, and if it comes that will be awesome! well....still bored so i think i'm going to go watch 'a knight's tale'...g'night!

...*YoU cAN'T LOsE SOmETHING YOu NEvER HAd*...